Lessons I’ve learned from Relationships

This is different from my normal posts, but ever so necessary.

Okay, so a slight disclaimer, this is more detailing my experiences in relationships than “right” and “wrong”, so please don’t take it personally!

Let’s all have a laugh together about how messy, complicated, yet rewarding relationships can be.

So I’ve dated quite a handful of guys, from various backgrounds and personalities. I’m not saying this to try and showcase my experience, but to hopefully find some common ground in our life stories!

I’ve gotten my heart broken multiple times and even broken some hearts along the way to finding love, and boy has it had it’s ups and downs.

After a bitter breakup and lots of nights spent crying, I decided to write a list of lessons I’ve learned from my relationships, in hopes that I would learn my lessons and not repeat them again in the future! Going back and re-reading these has shown me that they’ve certainly been true in my life, and I hope you can either find some good ‘ol advice or just laugh at them along with me.

So, here goes:

  1. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is. There are always hidden skeletons somewhere, whether hidden motives or actual skeletons.
  2. If you’re uncertain about marrying them/being with them, you’re probably right. Follow your gut.
  3. NOTICE RED FLAGS.
  4. If he/she makes you feel low about yourself, leave them. They’re not good for you or themselves.
  5. There needs to be physical attraction and sexual chemistry. It can’t be all there is, but it needs to exist. Unless you want a strictly platonic or nonsexual relationship.
  6. If you feel he/she’s being shady and hiding things from you, he/she is.
  7. You’ve got to know what you’re willing to put up with in a relationship. You also have to know what you want.
  8. How is their relationship with their parents? Siblings? Relatives? Pay attention.
  9. Are they self-sufficient and independent, or at least trying to be?
  10. Are they a flirt? Do they seek attention from the opposite sex?
  11. Check previous sexual history, and be open about yours. And STDs?
  12. Make sure you actually love them, instead of just settling because it’s comfortable and/or you’re lonely.
  13. What are their future goals? Are they similar to yours? Are they ambitious?
  14. Do they give off a creepy/dangerous vibe that you may have mistaken for charm? Run.
  15. Ask your family and friends for their opinion. They always have the best in mind for you.
  16. Do you have similar interest? You need something to connect on. DO NOT change yourself to foster a connection!
  17. Do they blame others? Call them crazy or insane? Not take responsibility?
  18. Notice how many close friends they have of the opposite sex (no.10).
  19. Are they super clingy? Freaks out if you don’t respond right away? Insecure?
  20. All those times that he says he/she’s sorry and is going to change–all lies. He/she will never change. They will unconsciously keep breaking your heart until the real problem is dealt with.
  21. How do they treat animals? Actually quite telling.
  22. How do they act when angry/upset, disappointed or stressed? Key character signs.
  23. If they try to convince you to do more sexually than you are comfortable with, leave or establish concrete boundaries. Most of the time if they don’t care and keep pushing, they don’t truly care or respect you, no matter how many times they may say they do.
  24. Beware of magnetism. They usually are always bad and will break your heart.
  25. Pay attention to their moral and religious beliefs. Do they match yours? Do they practice what they preach?
  26. If you’re uncomfortable about something, speak up. Make sure they respect you and your opinion. Don’t be a doormat.
  27. Don’t lose yourself in a relationship. You’ve both gotta be healthy and independent individuals.
  28. Be aware of your insecurities and the roles they play in your relationships. Seek healing, instead of feeding, your insecurities.
  29. Find someone who makes you a better person.
  30. Always get to know them first before investing your heart.
  31. Do they have a superiority complex?
  32. Find someone who takes care of themselves physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Do the same.
  33. Always wear a condom.
  34. Where does he/she seek validation from? Notice where you seek it as well.
  35. Do they beg you to change your mind or opinion on something important? They should respect your opinions, even if they don’t agree.
  36. Don’t use people. Physically or emotionally. And don’t let them use you, respect yourself.
  37. Do they run from commitment?
  38. See how you fit into their family. They may be yours someday.
  39. Do they make you feel bad about your past mistakes?
  40. Do they make up excuses to not see you? Know the difference between normal and excessive.
  41. Are they as invested in the relationship as you are?
  42. Don’t settle.
  43. If you want to just be friends, say something and be direct. If they don’t respect you for that and/or gets pushy, kick ’em to the curb (no.26).
  44. Does he/she only want sex? It might be better to hold off on sex until an emotional commitment is formed to you and the relationship if you want something more.
  45. Make sure they genuinely care about you, not what you give them.
  46. Are they dependent upon drugs, alcohol, sex?
  47. Have they ever had a job? Work ethic?
  48. Always be upfront and honest with your feelings!
  49. Don’t dump someone through social media.
  50. Don’t let anyone rush you into making a decision about them. Taking your time for self-reflection is necessary.
  51. Make sure there’s romance (if you’re into that sort of thing).
  52. Don’t get lost in fantasies about the future. It could blind you to the warning signs right now (no. 3).
  53. Take the time to take care of yourself, hang out with family and friends, let them be there for you.
  54. Get to know their flaws. Know yours.
  55. True friends care about you enough to express their concerns, even if it may hurt you. Listen.
  56. Keep your eyes open for manipulation. Never let someone manipulate you.
  57. If they always put the argument back on you and don’t take responsibility, don’t let them blame you or pull you under (no. 17).
  58. How is their self-esteem?
  59. If they are not seeking professional help for something serious (and it’s within their means), they don’t want to change.
  60. Do you really want a child just like them?
  61. Don’t let them isolate you. That is not loving or respectful.
  62. Do they talk bad about your friends and family?
  63. Are they a whole different person around their friends?
  64. How does he/she talk about you when you’re not there?
  65. Don’t ever let someone call you names, and don’t call them any either. Mutual respect.
  66. Are your economic status’ similar? It may cause problems down the road if there’s too much of a gap.
  67. Do they try to control you? That’s not love!
  68. Learn about their genetic traits and potential risk of diseases that run in the family.
  69. Once a cheater always a cheater.
  70. Where are you located on their list of priorities?
  71. Do they take you out to meet their friends and family?
  72. If you let them booty-call you, that’s all you’ll ever be to them.
  73. You are a precious jewel. If someone ever tries to rob you, steal you, cheat you, or lie to you, they are undeserving of you.
  74. Do you fight a lot? Do your issues ever get resolved? Take responsibility for your part, but if they don’t, they still need to mature. The relationship is more important than being right or wrong.
  75. Are they overly jealous/possessive?
  76. Don’t ever lay hands on them in malice, and don’t ever let them do it to you.
  77. You have to both accept each other fully and practice forgiveness to have a healthy relationship.
  78. Are they still talking about their ex? They may still be hung up on them.
  79. Wait for someone who you  can see yourself in their eyes. Mutual souls understand each other and make a great match.
  80. If you’re a believer, know their zodiac sign (this has always been spot on for me).

Talking about relationships can go on forever! They are complicated and diverse because humans are complicated and diverse. But, they are necessary, and help us to learn more about ourselves so we can grow more compassionate and understanding.

I hope you found this to be good advice, or at least entertaining as I ranted about my experiences!

I’m going to stop it here, and if I learn more I’ll certainly let you know 😉

Thanks for reading!

~Alexzandra, CIC

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My DYT Journey

Update time!

So, I follow Carol Tuttle on Facebook and watch all of her live feeds whenever possible.

If you’ve been reading my posts about my DYT experience, you know that I have gone through much confusion trying to see my true self. I have gone back and forth with every type, seeing little bits of them all here and there and seeing something new in myself that would change my perspective.

It wasn’t really until last night when Carol posted a video “Speed Typing” some followers who submitted pictures of themselves that something clicked with me. Per usual, Carol set the scene by disclaiming that those who were struggling seeing their type could actually be struggling with a tendency to avoid uncomfortable emotions, not willing to take control of their lives out of fear, or simply afraid to commit to one type, which could result from many other issues.

Then she went on to type about 30 people, most of them ending up as type 1’s, and Carol explained that type 1’s have a tendency to change their minds about which type they can be because they see all of the types within themselves, and in regards to facial features, they can see multiple type features which leads to them changing their minds about which type they are!

4-Types-of-Carol1(via Google)

It was as if Carol was explaining my tendencies to myself, especially when she mentioned Marcy’s DYT experience as a Type 1 Beauty Expert. Even then, after all of this confirmation, I still waver and think, “Well maybe I’m a type 2 because my eyes do this…”, or “Maybe I’m a type 4 because I have really pale/porcelain skin…”. Whatever it may be, I seem to be expressing type 1 even in my tendency to not commit to being a type 1!

After watching this video and my eyes opening to this possibility, I see type 1 tendencies all around me! In my decor (bright and animated!), in my room (which is very messy!), in the colors I gravitate to (mostly pink and light blue!), my iPhone case which i decorated in light pink, blue, and purple gems with sparkly stars, my varying hobbies (painting, music, movies, jewelry, fashion, beauty, reading, etc.), my inability to choose a career because there are too many options I’d like to pursue, and of course, my undying love for pug dogs which seem pretty type 1 to me!

I hadn’t considered being a type 1 before because I struggle with anxiety, including social anxiety, which makes me feel like I can’t express myself to others and therefore not “social” or “life of the party”/”outgoing” enough. I’ve come to realize that I am that way on the inside once I let go of my fears, simply relax and be myself. When it comes to my secondary, who even knows! Possibly a 2, or 4, or even 3, although I don’t see myself as that high of energy!

DSC_0034

So, if you’re a fan of DYT and aren’t following Carol on Facebook, I would highly recommend it because Carol provides lots of help and tips through her page. That’s coming from someone who’s read two of her books multiple times, watched her YouTube videos repeatedly, bought the DYT course and exhausted every other option possible!

Let me know what you think, and tell me about your journey with DYT!

Or maybe I’m a type…..

~Alexzandra, CIC

 

Seasonal Color Analysis Update

Hello Readers!

I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted, and I deeply apologize! Life since graduating college has been intense to say the least. I now work two jobs and am a Certified Image Consultant, which I’m very proud of!

I also got analyzed by Lora Alexander at Pretty Your World–website here. She’s creating the new ColorBreeze System, using 22 different seasonal categories you can be assessed as. These are: clear winter, cool winter, deep winter, toasted soft winter, smokey soft winter, clear spring, light spring, warm spring, sunlit soft spring, dusty soft spring, cool summer, light summer, sunlit soft summer, dusty soft summer, toasted soft summer, smokey soft summer, warm autumn, deep autumn, dusty soft autumn, toasted soft autumn, sunlit soft autumn, smokey soft autumn.

They all can go back to the Munsell color system, and if you’d like a better explanation, please go visit her site! She can explain it much better than myself. I chose to be analyzed by Lora and her new ColorBreeze System to see where I’d fit in a more updated seasonal color analysis system and I greatly respect her work.

I sent her as many well-lit photos from a professional camera as I could, wearing various colors and also including one of how I wear my makeup. After a couple of days and much anticipation, I was analyzed as a Dusty Soft Summer in her ColorBreeze System!

Now, before I had some idea that I was probably a summer season, but it never felt entirely correct. I wore a lot of cool summer colors but felt that it didn’t connect with me. I ended up feeling more confused and possibly more neutral than cool, as I had thought.

A Dusty Soft Summer in Lora Alexander’s ColorBreeze System is slightly more cool than warm, medium-light in value, and muted in clarity, although the dominant characteristic is softness. Lora gave me a mini-booklet to describe my season, including hair, makeup, and styling tips as well as my color palette! It was all very wonderful. She also included a picture of me from a virtual makeover she’d done to show me what makeup looks good.

Alexzandra - Dusty Soft Summer

Viola!

As always, let me know what you think!

~Alexzandra, CIC